Final comments jan 20,2011

Hello to anyone who might still be checking this blog- i thought i would close it out today and post a final post with just general thoughts about the whole trip. I have been back about 36 hours now and feel like i have had a chance to process some feelings and put them to paper (or in this case computer).  Our travels home went fine but were very long due to excess layover times.  It was much easier to sleep on the evening flight this time so i think overall our jet lag will be less. I am going back to work today so i hope it will be true.
First of all i need to thank so much many of you for all your support, encouragement and prayers. It was not an easy thing for me to do this trip- i have admitted to the control freak thing and i admit now to also not being a very good "traveler"- what i mean by that is the part about the airplanes, taxi's etc. -I love being in other cultures and i love being in new places but the part about getting there and back is the problem.  If i could just be bewitched, twitch my nose and be somewhere else i would be great. I particularly don't like to fly across the ocean. I have read several self help books about this fear of flying thing and understand that is is completely illogical but that is the thing about phobias, they are illogical.  Katie was very patient with me this trip and i did a good job not letting on how uncomfortable and anxious i was.  One of my other "worries" was leaving the rest of my family- upon my return i can report that with the help of so many of you they are alive and actually well. I have learned that despite the fact I think i am indispensible to them, they are fine on their own. Frank actually can turn his cell phone on during the day and Andrew can actually do his own laundry and make his own breakfast. ( i spoil him terribly)  Allie had several interviews for summer internships while we were away and Frank was able to counsel her and advise her. I think if i had been home he would have missed that opportunity and that is what grows relationships. I am thankful for the special time Frank had with both Allie (before she went back to Nashville) and with Andrew.
So back to the thank yous- i have to start with even before i left since i forgot a few.  The evening before i left i realized that i didn't have a journal to write in - i figured i would just wing it on some loose leaf paper and cut and paste into something nicer when i returned. Also the night before i left,  decided that i couldn't take mefloquine what i had thought i would take for malaria prophylaxis- there are several meds that are available and each with their own side effect profile.  We have an HSA (perfect coverage for healthy family of 5 unless you need to buy expensive medications) and so we pay for meds out of pocket.  The cost difference is huge in the malaria meds so we had been planning on katie taking malarone which is quite expensive as she had already had an allergic reaction to mefloquine the cheap one and that i would take mefloquine. Its main side effect is anxiety, and nightmares. who knows if it was just normal anxiety over the big trip, add alittle menopause and then the psychiatric side effects of the malaria med which i had taken for the week before the trip but i was not doing well.  it was too late to go to the pharmacy again so i thought i would just sleep under mesh nets and hope for the best.  Many of the permanent mission docs don't take malaria prophylaxis as Tenwek is at higher altitude for the mosquitos but most visitors take it.  So Liz Niehaus to the rescue- not even knowing my dilemma she called late that evening and mentioned she had quite a bit of malarone left over from when emily went to kenya the summer before and that she would drop it off on my porch.  she probably didn't know it but she left me about 250 dollars worth of meds - and in the little care package was a new journal- how did she know!  Thanks Liz for your thoughtfulness - and i think the malaria prevention was extremely neccessary this trip- rainy season ended the day we arrived and there were tons of mosquitos everyday getting bitten. I am sure i would have contracted malaria otherwise.
Thanks to all who dropped off meals for Frank and Andrew- the Finches, Walshes, Smiths, Niehaus, Cannary's - they now know they like pot roast and chicken curry.  They didn't go hungry while i was away. And thanks to Magradey's and Dunnigans for letting Andrew act like one of your own- i understand he spent quite a bit of time at your houses after school and on weekends.
So i learned alot about myself these last few weeks-  i already knew i didn't like change but i learned that change can be good- it is God's way of shaping and molding us into who He wants us to be.  It grows us as people and teachs us to be more flexible which in turn helps us to see other ways to do and look at life. Change helps us learn to adapt and takes us out of our comfort zone.  And that is one thing that we can always count on in life- it will always present change to us.  But in the midst of that change  is several constants that can help us adapt- one is our relationships.  I feel so loved and supported by my family and friends.  You all are a constant that i can count on.  Frank and i have never been apart for more than 7 days in our almost 22 years of married life.  I realized when i came home how much i count on him for being that constant in my life. I love how much he doesn't change- even after not speaking for 3 weeks (except at the skype into church) , when i called him to tell him we had landed in the US in Atlanta and were safe and sound back in the States, he told me in a muffled voice that he was teaching a small group at the med school and could i call him back after 4 pm.  I smiled at Katie and told her how lucky we were that Dad was our constant. I know he was so glad we were back so he could shut his phone off.  But most importantly, I learned that God is the main constant in our lives. That without trusting and turning our lives over to Christ we are falsely thinking we are in control.  We can't be in control (believe me, i have tried) and there is an incredible peace that comes when one has faith in Christ.  I have been to some bible studies where people talk about "what is Christ doing in their lives". I have always felt uncomfortable about that concept- but i think for me it is not what He is doing in my life- it is just giving my life over to Him. Living my life everyday In Christ is how it works for me.  Maybe it is just semantics but it is easier for me to get my mind wrapped around giving my life over that what He is doing for me. I guess another way to put it is that He "did it for me" on the cross and that is the act that changes my life.  It is what He did that gives us life and  if we realize that -our lives are His. That may not make any sense but it is one of those concepts that is hard for me to put in writing.
I hope we will be able to go to Kenya again- the work was exilarating and has refreshed me. The mission field is a place like no other where it is so easy to live an open Christian life- easily mixing work with worship. I hope to bring that back with me to my practice here in Columbia.
Thanks to all for following our blog- i know there are many of you in Wisconsin through my parents church and also friends from all over the country. We are so fortunate to have all of you in our lives. Keep in touch and know all of you are in our thoughts and prayers.
With deep thanks,
Tracy and Katie